I’m terrified of failure. Not because I want to be “famous” or anything, but because (and I’m going to reveal a huge fault on my part) I still equate sales with whether I’m likable or not. It’s silly I know. My rational brain knows there’s more to book sales than popularity. But still, there’s a part of me that reacts to positive sale numbers like Sally Fields at the Oscars. “You like me. You really like me.”
And I view this career as a HUGE pass/fall dealio. It isn’t rational, but it’s the way my feeble brain functions. There are several portals I had to pass through to deal with this fear.
The fear of submission. Letting another human being, professional or not, read my stuff was a big, important step.
The fear of rejection. I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I got my first form rejection from Harlequin.
The fear of obscurity. If a book releases and nobody reads it, does it exist? Once I realized it really DOES exist, I learned to deal with obscurity.
The fear of dropping off the radar. This motivates me to keep working at my career. It keeps me writing and improving.
I’ve used all these fears to keep me moving in the right direction. Towards N.Y.
Loribelle and I are chatting at Joyfully Reviewed today and I’ll be giving away a copy of “Resisting Command” AND an opportunity to win both “Taking Command” and “Resisting Command”. Lori will be giving us some glimpses into “Invasion Earth” which is a new, fabulous sci fi erotic book she just released with Liquid Silver Books. Come and hang out with us.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I’m starting to feel the pressure to just DO this. Sure, there’s a butt-ton of fear involved, mostly about coming up with the right vehicle to get myself published with, but I have to just find a way to DO it. The encouragement I get from you and a few others who write help me tremendously to push myself further along this road. But the fear is still there. I suppose it will be until the day someone tells me they’ll publish what I write.
Ok, I signed up for chat group too. Maybe that will help push me more.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
lol. You’ll get there Winter. The first step really is the hardest!
August 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
I like you
And I’m coming to pounce on you if I’m not too late.
August 24th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I suspect that we all feel that fear of failure in many areas. Is the dish we made for the pot luck good enough? Is the baby blanket I crocheted for a friend really nice? Those are the simple little ones that most of us worry over. Putting a book that you have slaved over for months or even years on public display, and waiting for the “REAL” proof that someone likes it from the sales figures is a whole different thing. That takes some real courage. Good luck with your new book!
sandie
August 24th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Oh R.G. I lurrrrrve you!!!!! Pounce away. It’s never too late for pouncing.
Thanks Sandie! I just try not to think about it too much. LOL.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
Jen, you are fabulous and from what I hear so are your books. *you know the first erotic I read will be yours*
And all those fears you listed I have them too. You just don’t know what will happen once you send your book into that big, black soul sucking hole called publishing. I’ve seen good books tank. So-so wons sell like hot cakes. I think that’s why you have to define what sucess is for you.
Or just make the Nora Roberts five year plan.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Awww, if anyone gets this Mel, it’s you. And I’ve revised the five year plan a couple of times. LOL.
August 25th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
I hate five year plans. I’m not patient enough to wait that long for anything.
August 28th, 2008 at 1:27 am
I’m sorry I was unable to be at the chat on the loop with you. I’m unable to be on a long period of time sitting so doesn’t work out for me at a days loop chat, but know I’d be there if I could.
I’m just a reader so I understand but never went through this but did with my career when working towards my goal to be a social worker/counselor. I always had the fear of failing others. Its different I know but know too you’re not alone and it does get better. Keep believing.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
Hey Caffey! Thank you so much.