When I was told the topic for the week here was romance and finding Mr. Right I got very excited. Because this is a favorite topic of mine. Honestly. If I have one prevailing theme in my books it’s that you take people as they come. You don’t change them, you don’t resent their inherent natures, you don’t do anything but love someone for what they are or don’t love them at all.
What does this have to do with Finding Mr. Right? Everything.
I have a theory. It’s really profound. Here it goes. Everyone on earth is annoying. I told you it was profound. So, how do we find Mr. Right? We find the person whose irritating habits are the least offensive to us. Just because someone bugs your neighbor doesn’t mean they’ll bug you. In other words, every pot has its lid.
For years I flitted through the dating pool looking for the guy for me. It was tough though because my standards were…odd. And the only one who could meet them was someone equally as odd. Finally I met and married someone that most women would probably not be able to live with. He has an IQ in the top .01 percent. He makes his hand talk in a really high pitched voice and sing eighties love ballads, he calls it Mr. Hand and acts like it has a separate personality. He cares way too much about obscure military strategy and he makes monkey noises and pretends to hump my leg.
He’s perfect.
He’s also annoying. He ends almost every thing I say with, “Your mom _____” For instance, if I say, “Can you take out the garbage?” nine out of ten times he will respond with, “Your mom takes out the garbage.” I don’t know why he does this, he just does. He whines like a child when he gets tired or sick. He leaves piles of clothes behind the bathroom door like he has no idea what a washer is.
But that’s okay. He’s always been this way. He was this way before we got married. Almost immediately after we got married he did the laundry behind the door thing and I castigated him for it. And he made a reference to the Native American story of the boy who carries the rattlesnake down the mountain and gets bitten for it. I told him he needed to pick up his laundry and he gave me that dimpled smile that never seems to get any less boyish no matter old he gets and told me, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.”
And that’s the long and short of the way I feel about my characters and their romances. As I mentioned, taking people for themselves is the deepest running thread through all of my stories. I strongly feel the need to repeat over and over that people are what they are and they aren’t like dresses made for hemming. You don’t pick someone up expecting them to change. One of my heroes, Chandler, is irascible and short tempered. He’s a perfectionist and basically he’s kind of a jerk. The heroine not only knows what he is and accepts that, she gets a little kick out of it. That’s a match made in heaven right there.
So the long and short of it is that finding Mr. Right for you can be hard, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be perfect for everyone. Just for that heroine, just in that book. When you have two characters who just connect the right way, it doesn’t matter how little they fit the rest of the world. Sometimes two very oddly shaped puzzle pieces just fit right together. And that’s the secret of making a perfect match. You heard it here first. 
AJ
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:17 am
Well i always knew everyone was annoying
i just never knew that Mr.Right was the guy who annoys you less than everyone else 
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:19 am
LOL. Like I said, you heard it here first.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:24 am
I think thats very true, you shouldn’t marry someone expecting that they will change. My dh and I have been married for 23 years and our song is Billy Joel’s don’t go changing.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 am
Well, first off…you still coulda snarked a LITTLE at being left behind while everyone ELSE went off la-dee-da-ing. *sigh*
However, you’re right that people are annoying.
And although, sometimes, hubby is the one that annoys me MOST…he’s also the only one I don’t imagine killing off in very painful ways while I’m annoyed…which suggests perhaps he is the only one for me
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:27 am
Awesome post, AJ! I know exactly what you mean. Before DH and I decided we were going out, I was fed up with the world and ignoring most of it. I didn’t want to be around “people” because they annoyed me. Finally, one day it dawned on me that he wasn’t “people” and I’d been hanging out with him an awful lot.
I may complain about some of the stuff he does, but you’re right. I know what he is; he knows what I am. And it’s been almost 19 years since I looked over at him and thought, “With my luck, I’ll end up with someone like him.” Just goes to show, I didn’t know how good my luck was.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 am
My husband (when we were still dating) once said, “You know what I love most about you? You’re the only woman I’ve met who hasn’t tried to change me.”
(He’s not quite right - I’m gradually phasing out the whacky Hawaiian shirts his mother made for him…)
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:35 am
OMg, Em. Yeah, I did change that. I threw away Mike’s exstensive and hideous collection of holey jeans and tee-shirts and made him get some clothes that didn’t make him look like a homeless person.
I love that Kaige. Goes to show how good my luck was. Very sweet.
Dayna, I don’t mind. I’m moving right now and I just had to do that. I stopped being sad that I wasted a thousand dollars on a conference I couldn’t attend a month ago. But, uh, thanks for bringing it up.
I like that song Nell, always have. Although I’ve always found it hilarious that he says, “I don’t need clever conversation. I want you just the way you are.” Which seems to suggest she’s like kind of a Moron. But I like it anyway, lol.
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Great post AJ! It’s definately given me something to think about. I hope I meed a compatibly annoying guy of my own sometime
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:08 pm
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Well said. I would’t change the inherent things that annoy me. I try to remember,I’d rather him annoy me than do nothing. (btdt)
And as far as the shirts goes? It’s his uniform. No, really. He works at a water park, so the tropical theme is appropriate. But he hates those shirts otherwise.
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:44 pm
OMG I totally agree. My hub does get on my nerves occasionally…but I wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.
August 3rd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
They are always going to get on our nerves sometimes i think, Lyric. They are a different animal than us. But I’m sure I annoy him sometimes. Even as great as I am.
Leigh, I bet your children love that job.
August 4th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
No one else could live with the Redneck, but I wouldn’t change anything about him.
August 4th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
That’s exactly the best thing about him, Jennifer.