RG talked yesterday about karma in regards to helping out other writers. I think most of us have been on the receiving end of a more advanced and skilled author’s generosity, but let me tell you a little story. A couple years after I started submitting my work, I joined a writing community founded by a print-published author. She frequented the boards quite often and taught workshops and classes. She was a mentor to many people, but ultimately withdrew from the community.
Why?
Instead of making her daily word-count, she’d find herself spending more time on the boards trying to help people. She’d lost focus on her own work in the process of trying to help others — something detrimental to her already rocky career.
The point being, while it’s great for authors to help out new writers, it shouldn’t be their primary focus, nor should they be obligated to do so. There are many print-published authors who work to a strict deadlines, and this is even worse for those published in multiple genres and houses. (Some e-pubbed authors write to a deadline, yes, but most — key word: most — don’t do so under contract.) Add that to whatever real-life obligations they may have, like a job and family, and they may not have the time to take someone under their wing.
(I’m tempted to go into writers who can’t seem to learn even when you explain concepts in terms a six-year-old would understand, but I won’t.)
I’ve had my own issues with this, as well. Most of you know that I used to admin the writing community Evolution. I stepped down earlier this year after realizing that for the past three years, I had been pouring my heart and soul into the community — and with some very rare exception, I didn’t get anything back. I would sit in chat and help people, day after day, but when it came time for me to ask for help? Almost nobody did. I was giving so much that I had nothing left for myself, and why do that for people who are ungrateful and unwilling to give back or pay forward? (It wasn’t just an issue of me; most of these people wouldn’t help anybody, but were leeches to anyone active in the community.)
Also, I recently offered to help mentor for the Romance Divas mentor program, but truth be told, I’ve been pretty sucky at it. Between real life shit hitting the fan and my plethora of health issues flaring up, I haven’t been able to give my apprentice the attention she deserves and needs. I should’ve been more honest with myself about my realistic time and energy. I can barely write most days, much less manage to help anyone else. It becomes one or the other, and that’s not fair to anyone. While my apprentice has been very understanding of the situation, it still leaves me feeling pretty rotten.
Bottom line: Keep your priorities straight. Even if you would like to help out someone else, ask yourself if it’s realistic. Don’t let yourself get sucked into the pattern of constantly “giving” when there’s nothing you get in return, especially if it takes a huge toll on your time. While writers in the romance community are often pressured to be the good girl and help a person in need, remember that you and your writing come first.
(And if someone tells you otherwise, let me know, because they’re in need of a serious bitchsmacking.)
May 30th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Gotta say, Nonny, that most of the time when I’ve helped someone else in my small way, I’ve been given a TON.
Not that I disagree with you. I don’t.
THE WRITING is where my focus needs to be. Not “The Market”, “The Biz”, “E-Drama” or whatever.
It does absolutely NO GOOD to chose the “perfect” agent or compose that “perfect” query letter if I never finish the damn book.
I struggle with this.
Are you offering some bitchslapping? Be careful. I might like it.
May 30th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Oh, not to say that I’ve never been helped by people that I lent a hand. That’s certainly not the case; one of my favorite crit/writing buddies is someone I initially helped through a tough time and kicked in the ass to finish her first book. (Which she now has a full request for!
)
Unfortunately, I’ve found that the people who have helped in return have been in the minority; the exception, not the rule.
As for paying too much attention to “The Market,” etc., I am so with you there. It’s hard not to jump on the bandwagon when everyone else is so damn excited about something.
You’ve got to follow your own heart and do what’s right for you; not what’s right for someone else.
May 30th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Yeah…what Nonny said! YEAH!
May 30th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I agree-we have to take care of ourselves first in every way-including as writers-if we want to be in a position to help others. Nonny is right-Nonny is wise
May 30th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
I agree Nonny. You have to learn how to draw a line between getting bogged down with helping others and not focusing on your own work.
And for future reference - you’re the official bitchslapper.
Hmmmm…
Cyrstal - Ass Slapper
Nonny - Bitch Slapper
I see a pattern here.
May 30th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
No wonder I lurrrve Crystal, Lyric. *snicker*
*In Yoda Voice* Wise, Nonny is. Know much, she does.
May 30th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
I feel very limited here. Maybe I wanna slap other things. *sheesh*
May 31st, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Can you guys keep it down in here. All the sounds of flesh hitting flesh is making it really hard to concentrate on the sex scene I’m writing. . . oh, wait, flesh hitting flesh. . .hmmmm. . .inspiration here! So, never mind me. . .
June 2nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
“(I’m tempted to go into writers who can’t seem to learn even when you explain concepts in terms a six-year-old would understand, but I won’t.)” At least you didn’t use my name…wait, why am i posting this then??