R.G. Alexander woke me up to the weird wonder of Poetry Monday. While her poetry is actually poetical and stuff, mine is so not. I can’t do poetry. Not even a little. Hence the joy and love I now have for Haiku. It’s the poetry for people who can’t write poetry. How awesome is that?
So, I’ll give you one or two of my Haiku, and a couple from a crazy site called Porno Haiku. It’s even weirder than it sounds, and I’m not linking to their site. If you wanna check them out, go Google it.
Without further ado…
This one is sooo wrong, but my sick and twisted self laughed anyway.
Sweetly making love
Holy shit she’s waking up
Need more chloroform
Wow. Just wow.
She don’t move around
She don’t make a single sound
Necrophilia!
This gives a whole new (and really unsettling) spin to “Oh, my God!”
Catechism says
masturbation is a sin
Confession again
And here’s my much less creative one:
Smut is good for me
I love to write it always
I’m ever its slave
May 28th, 2007 at 11:20 am
There are just no words
To explain how I love it.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
May 28th, 2007 at 11:40 am
You so cuh-razy.
I cannot believe you answered
in poetry form.
May 28th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
You are, absolutely…a NUT!!! LOL…Where in the world do you find these things? Oh, I forgot. Google!!! LOLOLOLOL
May 28th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Omg lol! Just a little twisted.
May 28th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Lyric: Google is the devil’s tool…and my playground.
Lori: Innit?
May 28th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
I’d respond in poetry but somehow Dr. Seuss type stuff would just be wrong here.
The once was a writer name Crystal
Whose mouth was just like a pistol.
She shot it off twice
And it just wasn’t nice
But when she doesn’t we miss her.
Nevermind.
May 28th, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Limericks are so special. They love me. They really love me. *sniff*
May 28th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
crystal is funny
she writes smut and it’s runny
give her a towel
May 28th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
My smut is not runny! It’s solid, upstanding, and hard. My poetry is a bit leaky though.
May 28th, 2007 at 4:11 pm
Oh my Feisty’s poem. Runny???? LMAO
May 28th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Yes I said runny
Run runny run run runny
And always lubed up
May 28th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
That is just wrong on so many levels.
May 28th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Um, lack of lube is even more wrong. Just sayin’.
It’s better runny than dry Crystal.
May 28th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Ewwwwwwww Crystal! THAT is TMI. Go brush your teeth.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
Be quiet! No more crops for you, little subbie.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
You tease. You keep promising me a good “play” date and backing out. It’s cause I haven’t been in the Marine Corps isn’t it?
May 28th, 2007 at 7:11 pm
I don’t tease–I promise. And I do like Marines, they just don’t like me. Maybe I’m not cute enough…you should only set me up with people who like unpretties.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
You DO tease and I was too drunk to set anyone up. It’s not my fault that the Marine had no taste for a real woman.
I’m bringing a crop for our “date” in July.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Tease. And you set me up before you got drunk, wench. I maybe SHOULD tease you, since your set up left me high and dry. Not runny at all.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
You must be thinking of someone else, honey. I never leave ‘em dry. I use lube. Otherwise, it’s just WRONG.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
Yes, but you’re not the Marines. Or Wonder Woman.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Yes, I am and I have the text messages to prove it. So there.
*sticks tongue out at Crystal*
May 28th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
T.M.I.
Keep your golden bondage rope of truth to yourself.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
What are you talking about? You love that lasso. Of course, you like to be the one tying me up, but it’s all good.
Where’s Lisa? I need to make my offers while I’m feeling “playful”.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:21 pm
i am really hot right now.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:22 pm
Ewwwwwwwww. I’m too young for this. My innocence is being violated.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
What innocence?
Here’s what I’ll be wearing when I meet you in Sac in July.
Just For You
May 28th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
And Crystal, I think you should wear
THIS
May 28th, 2007 at 7:29 pm
No.Mama.No. *sucks thumb and cries*
May 28th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
I’m a subbie. If you’re going to suck…….
May 28th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Dude, that’s your job, subbie. Be good or I’ll turn you over to WritersWidower…he might appreciate it.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
He doesn’t love me. *sniff*. He’d just want me to do beer runs.
Thanks for reminding me. Subbies need love too.
Don’t let me down, Crystal.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
No. Bad girl. No sex for you.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Whatever. I live with a redneck. I can have it over the phone. Ha Ha.
He doesn’t CB radio by the way. He’s an uptown redneck.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
He has one in his truck. He’s letting you live in denial.
May 28th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Whatever works, honey. As long as he keeps buying me “costumes”. And does the right things with my lasso.
May 29th, 2007 at 12:24 am
All those poems are just. . . well, just wrong. Way too funny though!
May 29th, 2007 at 9:32 am
LOl…oh that was funny
Anna
May 29th, 2007 at 9:42 am
Which part? The poems or Jen and me?
May 29th, 2007 at 11:45 am
OMG I was sooo glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read that first one!
May 29th, 2007 at 11:53 am
Hehe. Told ya I found some good ones.
June 2nd, 2007 at 12:22 pm
OMG Crystal! I laughed so hard I think I may have pee’d a li’l!!!!!
June 2nd, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Glad you liked it! But, golden showers? Not a fetish I can get on board with.
June 2nd, 2007 at 2:21 pm
Oh sure, you put up with Jennifer’s butt beads, but I pee a li’l and you get grossed out. I see how it works in here
June 2nd, 2007 at 2:26 pm
Anal is allllll good, hon. Pee-pee is kinda squick-me-out. I *heart* ya anyway.