I yanked these from an awesome blog, and I just had to share. Who says romance is dead? Really, who?
Romantic Bachelor #1
Am I not your type? What has “your type” done for you lately?
Age: 41
Seeking: woman 29-40
Location: NYCIn a perfect world, I’d be with my baby right now ordering sushi watching tv and snuggling. She’d either look like Carmen Elecktra, Pamela Anderson, a model, Salma Hayek, you get the picture-”beautiful” and equally beautiful inside, sweet but with an edge.
Huh. Does he know these women so well that he can say what they are on the inside? When I think romance, I think Pamela and Carmen. Totally. And, really, I’m guessing his type hasn’t done much for him lately, either. If he’s ever met them up close and personal.
Romantic Bachelor #2
Quiet at first, goofy to the end
Age: 25
Location: MissouriCollege grad just getting started:) Looking for a lady that doesn’t have to go out to the bars to have a good time but likes to be out and about. I am pretty simple but very interesting. Hobbies include classic cars and hunting, what are yours? Feel free to strike up a conversation.
ps… I do have a few pet peeves, if you smack constantlly when eating or have poor hygiene we wouldn’t work.
You have to ask yourself what brought on that particular list of pet peeves. Does he have trouble finding girls who can’t measure up in the personal hygiene department?
Romantic Bachelor #3
Scuba Guy Needs Gal Pal
Age: 36
Location: North CarolinaHello I am on my own again and looking for someone special to spend time with. I am a fun loving person, I love kids and animals. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs and 1 cat. I am looking for someone that enjoys kissing, hugging and lots of attention and touching. I am a very physical person and enjoy touching very much and getting touched back. I have been told I give awsome back rubs and really enjoy giving them. I love to go scuba diving but need a partner. I enjoy almost anything outside and in the garden. I like to cook every much also. I like to go camping, hiking and 4×4ing when I get the chances.
That is a lot of touching some lucky lady is in for. Note how he emphasize his need to touch all up on a woman. There’s so much here to mock that I can’t say more or Loribelle is likely to tan my hide for being inappropriate in public. But, hey, this guy would enjoy it–seeing as how he’s all into touching.
April 2nd, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Okay #1 is obviously a very deep intellectual who is seeking a “soul mate” type of relationship. LOL
April 2nd, 2007 at 3:47 pm
I thought so as well. I mean these are serious romantics here. I told you.
April 2nd, 2007 at 7:39 pm
Charmers, all of them. Too bad we don’t get to see photos of these great catches.
April 2nd, 2007 at 8:02 pm
Hmm. And this is why I don’t date. #1 is living in fantasy land.
April 2nd, 2007 at 11:08 pm
Thanks for the link! I’m glad you enjoyed the blog. I’m fairly certain I’ll never run out of material.
April 2nd, 2007 at 11:18 pm
Yeah. Scary. I’ll stick with my mostly insensitive-until-I-really-need-it Alpha male.
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:50 am
LOL. And Mr. Touchy Feely Hallmark guy was HILARIOUS!!!!
That blog KILLS me. Thank God I’m married.
April 3rd, 2007 at 1:38 am
Okay, I apologize up front for the length, but I couldn’t resist sharing. My friend Lila found this personal add, I’m crushed, I’m just too old for him. Otherwise, it sounded perfect. Of ourse…I’m not exactly normal either.
I am seeking a girl interested in having a baby and preferably stay home and take care of the baby and just focus on her own easy going life. I am technically married but I am living a very independent life. Wife does not have any interest in having her own baby. She is too focused with her own career. She suggested I found another woman for that purpose as long as she does not know about anything. We need to keep this between you and me.
I am in the process of buying a second house in the area and if you like you can move in with me later this spring. Right now I want you to have your own place, condo or apartment where we can start meeting since we cannot use my current house. I hope you are a real girl with future ambitions and that you are actually ready to get started. I want you to respect my privacy, no private questions at the moment.
Start meeting from today and please send me your photo and phone number. I hope you want to live an easy life where there are no financial problems whatsoever. Welcome.
We meet quickly several times a week until the happy day when you are pregnant. See you soon.
Only real and normal girl please. Your age between 18 and 35.
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:58 am
Lori and Jen: That’s right, rub it in that this is what the single chicks like me and Shelli have left.
Sam: I have no words to describe what’s going through my mind right now. And that right there should tell you something.
April 3rd, 2007 at 6:16 am
So long as you’re aware I’m totally kidding about the being crushed part.
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
um…I had something to say, then I read Sam’s comment…
And now I’m just kinda stunned and thinking I might need to go suck my thumb in the corner somewhere…
April 3rd, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Sam…dude, I’m with you. I’m within his age range and still totally crushed that he thinks I’d be his baby-mama on the side.
Dayna: again, you’re a happily married wench. Talk to the hand. And say HI to Superhubby!
April 4th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
the skeery part is, Crys…other than the whole ‘other wife on the side’ thing…that’s kind of my life. I married someone who takes care of the bills, and I pop out beautiful babies and raise them to not be serial killers.
Of course, superhubby can’t even pretend to be that creepy
(and my fave line: “We meet quickly several times a week until the happy day when you are pregnant. See you soon.” Seriously, the images this presents to my twisted mind have me in tears.)
April 4th, 2007 at 11:14 pm
I imagine that line in Bridget ones Diary (the movie, not the book) where the lions are on TV and it say: coupling is perfunctory and over quickly. I’m thinking that’s what hot stuff on the side has in mind for the lil wifey.