Okay, anyone who’s a country fan knows that I’m doing a play on Jamie O Neal’s song Trying to find Atlantis. But seriously. I had a hmm moment today.
I sometimes contemplate dating, but it’s a daunting thought. Because here’s all the things that run through my head: There’s so much competition and only so many men. There will always be someone prettier than me, funnier than me, and quite a few don’t come with kids. So at times I think, why would I even bother? How can I even begin to think competing in the dating field?
Then last night, while chatting with some gals, we all start talking about agents. And I start thinking about my fears: There’s so much competition and only so many agents. There’s a ton of other people, just like me, trying to find an agent. Some are more talented, some are funnier, and some of them are undiscovered newbies that are going to rock the market. How can I even begin to think of breaking into this field?
Hmm. See the similarites? They could be identical. Except for the competing for an agent/man part. Agents would be like polygamists, since they can have more than one client.
Okay, so obviously, both scenarios are a bit overwhelming when you look at them in my cynical light. But that light is my standard, because although I can be the ‘ever cheerful girl’, I’m a total realist. Ask any of my friends. They come to me for confirmation when they suspect their new boyfriend sucks, or if they want the truth that a book needs some tweaking. And I’m absolutely 100% my own worst critic on my writing and my chances at landing a perfect guy.
But…where is this getting me? I’m terrified to date–seriously, I’ll pitch to an agent any day over going on a date–and part of me thinks I should just forget about NY and just live happily ever after in my epub world. But, do I really want that? Really? No… someday I want to find that right guy. And someday I’d like to get a nice pat on the back from RWA saying, ‘Yes, my child, we acknowledge the fact that you’re now published.’ Meaning I’ll have sold to an RWA recognized publisher.
So I’m going to work on my fears. I need to stop looking at all the competition and be myself, and write the best damn book I can. I have to hope that out of all those other people, some day an agent and a man will fall in love with me (well, the agent will fall in love with my writing.) But until that day, I must keep my chin up.
All right, probably a complete WTF post. But I did it and here it is. Anyone share my fears? Then again, you could be married and have an agent, and the source of my envy 
January 9th, 2007 at 6:39 am
Um, you are just a baby. I have no doubt, no doubt at all, that we will all be kissing your NY pubbed feet in the near future.
And, any guy would be lucky to kiss your feet, too. So there!
January 9th, 2007 at 6:46 am
OMG you guys rock my world. I’m sorry, now I feel like I was fishing for compliments! When really, just expressing my everyday thoughts and fears. And my desire to change them.
*Shaking my swan ass and putting my feet out for passing men to kiss*
January 9th, 2007 at 6:47 am
Has anyone ever told you the story about the ugly duckling? Well I have one similar to the old fairy tale. It was about a little duckling who once put her foot in the water and while the water was rippling from her foots disturbance, she looked into the water. Of course she saw herself but the distorted, untrue image of herself. Saddened, after that the duckling always waded into the water with her eyes closed. While in the water she would keep her head forward, admiring her fellow duckies and their beautiful plumage. And of course because her fellow duckies could see her they would return the compliment, so flattered that one such as her thought them beautiful. But the duckling would “pssht” them, the distorted image of herself still clear in her mind. Until one day she saw a gorgeous swan. The duckling couldn’t help but stare and noticed the gorgeous swan stared back at her. Embarrassed our little duckling ducked her head and noticed the beautiful swan mimicked her movements. Raising her wing she noticed the swan did the same. Swimming closer to the swan until she was right upon her, our little duckling finally realized what everyone had been telling her all along. SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What is the moral to this story my little duckie? I don’t know, you tell me.
January 9th, 2007 at 6:51 am
We all know you weren’t fishing for compliments. You’re not the type.
Either way, you should listen to me and Feist or roast duck will end up on the menu.
Ummm…that sounded better and a little less lesbianish in my head.
January 9th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
You rock, Shelli! Any agent AND man would be lucky to have you. Period.
However, I’m in the same single and agentless boat, so I tooootally know where you’re coming from.
January 9th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
LOL thank you Crystal
Hee hee. So you, me and Shawn are the single and agentless crowd. But you’re still a young pup. 
January 9th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
Let me share something else with you Shelli. I grew up with 3 really close friends in school and 1 of them got pregnant as a senior. She went through all the same fears about men not wanting to date a woman who had a child and would go for one of us whom she considered prettier and more single. Guess what? She was the first one to be married, has been for 6 years, and the other 3 of us are STILL single. So it can happen!
Hang in there. As for agents, good luck to us all!! LOL
January 10th, 2007 at 12:51 am
Both are not fun. Being agentless and being manless.
Been both. Still agentless.
I sympathize.
January 10th, 2007 at 3:45 am
Shelli! Dating really shouldn’t be scary for a very simple reason: men are GOOBERS. Every time you’re nervous about a date, just think about what big doofuses most guys are, and you’ll be fine. Seriously.
As for the agent…I don’t know what to tell you. I’m married, but I have no agent.
January 10th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
I tried to leave a commnet yesterday but it wouldn’t post. I’ve had one husband and I”m on my second agent. I have, however, been with the same hairdresser for almost six years–so I’m not committment shy! LOL
January 11th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
LOL you guys are so sweet and make me laugh. Thanks, you rock! Some day I’ll date a goober again.