So I was talking to my friend Lillian Fiesty the other day. And we were talking about life and friends. And how important–and not just addictive–yahoo messenger is. And I think we both came to a realization, one we kind of laughed at, but is pretty much true.
Here was the realization. The majority of my social life (and other peoples) is online. Online with friends that are scattered all over the country, and world. Yes, I do have friends within a thirty mile radius of my house. And yes I love to see them and when we have the chance to get together. But does it happen that much? Honestly, not as much as I’d like.
I have a kid, which is already big strike against having a social life. You add into the fact that my friends may have jobs, possibly kids as well, doing school, are married or dating, or have time consuming hobbies…well it’s hard to see them. I have to schedule a lunch, coffee or girls night, which lately has ended up being once a month if we’re lucky.
That’s what brings me back to my online social life. I’m always on my computer: writing, checking email, do promotional stuff or doing my activities director job for Cobblestone Press. I keep open my yahoo messenger, whether I’m actively using it or not. So if a friend needs to talk, or I need to talk, we’re available. And I notice most writers do the same. Have up their messenger so we’re just a click away from a shoulder to cry on.
I know a lot of people would argue that having a huge online social life isn’t healthy. And someone you’ve never met, or only met a couple times at conference really aren’t friends. But I completely disagree. Yes, I know idealistically I should be out and about with a fantastic social life. But the reality is I can’t right now. And so this virtual social life makes me feel complete. I honestly believe I could live in antartica and NOT be lonely.
So what are your thoughts? Is it so wrong to be happy with my virtual social life?
November 7th, 2006 at 5:15 pm
I have to agree. The bottom line is with writing, I don’t live that close to people who write what I do, and have the same view of the business of publishing that I do. Online? There are a million of you. And living far away from family, I have a long distance relationship with everyone. Hey, if I can make a relationship with my brother work while he was in Iraq, then I can make friends with anyone I want to online. It’s real. Love ya, Shelli!
November 7th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
I love my online friends - you’re one of my favorite IM buddies, Shelli! Like Crystal said, I don’t have any writer friends close to me so all of my writer friends online are my support group. I don’t know what I would do without them - and that is the honest truth!!!
November 7th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
I have exactly one writer friend here in DC. All my real-life friends who live within 20 miles of me are lawyers, and while I see the ones who I work with every day, I don’t even get to see my college friends who live here all that often. Saturday is my maid of honor’s birthday and despite the fact that she’s a 2-minute car ride from me, this will be the first time I’ll have seen her in a month.
We’re just busy. It happens. It doesn’t mean we’re not still really good friends. We are. Just like I can honestly say that I have close relationships with my online friends, many of whom I’ve never met in person, and others of whom I’ve met just once.
November 7th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
We were, of course, talking on Yahoo IM. LOL.
November 7th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
LOL! So true, Lillian. I can’t use my minutes! I need the battery juice in my phone. I’m willing it to ring right now.
November 7th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
I absolutely love having on line friends. I too have a best friend who lives about 20 minutes from me, but getting together is hard when we both have family and friends and so many other activities.
November 8th, 2006 at 1:21 am
This topic really meant a lot to me today. Just last night I was asking one of my newest on-line friends if he thought I was completely nuts becasue my social life was almost entirely e-based. When I started writing seriously the few friends I had, dumped me, citing I was…and I quote, “No fun anymore.”
I love writing and sometimes I lose track of day and time when I’m doing it. Add to that blogging, emailing, submitting, that my closer friends all live in California where I’m from originally and I spend more than half my day at the computer. And let’s not even get started on NaNo forums.
November 8th, 2006 at 1:31 am
My opinion: An online social life is far healthier than no social life.
IM’ing is addictive, I used to be on MSN constantly a few years ago, but as I am lazy and always looking for an excuse to take a 6 hour break from writing.. well.. you can figure it out, I’m sure.
No more MSN. Focu returned to writing.
So then I moved onto Yahoo about a year ago. Broke if off (the little smiley man tried to win me back.. but I wasn’t having it!) Focus returned to writing.
And then.. just today.. I got Google Chat..
Still a virgin mind you.. but I can get pretty saucy pretty quickly…lol.
(What can you do??)
November 8th, 2006 at 2:56 am
If I didn’t have online friends, I’d never talk to anyone (it’s lonely in the country). And I certainly wouldn’t be publishing yet — I’m not even sure I would ever have submitted anything without the encouragement of my online friends. You all rock!
November 8th, 2006 at 5:42 am
My true closest friend lives over an hour away, so just driving down for lunch isn’t feasible. If it weren’t for the friends I have online, I’d go nuts!
Seriously… Dayna knows this.
I’m here, even if I’m not visible, I check email all day, unless I’m really, I mean REALLY not sitting at my computer.
And I’m in the married with kid category. My social life is nil. DH and I might do a movie every few months, but the logistics of driving almost an hour for a babysitter (where his folks live) is a PITA.
Totally understand your groove here Shelli.
November 8th, 2006 at 6:18 am
I dont’ live close to any writers either. My only support is online. Other than family. I’ve made some great friends, and miss being around more than I am.
November 8th, 2006 at 4:15 pm
My husband calls my online friends “my imaginary friends.”
Of course they’re a lot more real than any friends I have in real life, of which there aren’t any within a good 60 mile radius.
November 10th, 2006 at 6:17 pm
People come without IM screens?
This is how I talk to my family half the time. Hubby works from home, so the phone is…often unavailable. My sister is at university and keeps odd hours (as do I) without messenger, I’d never keep in touch.
And most of my friends are such…vibrant personalities that they’re very real without having met them in person.
November 10th, 2006 at 9:13 pm
I think being online and having an online social life (and I’m right there with you with two kids and just me–too bad there’s no way to IM my way through cutting the grass) anyway…..is perfectly normal. And is an dwill be even more normal for our children etc. My kids don’t know a time when computers didn’t exist, I remember a time before they existed (when dinosaurs roamed the earth and tv only had five channels), but it is such an integral part of my life whereas with most people my parent’s ages it’s not and never will be because the technology frightens them.