I realized something about myself. I’m a hugger. I hug people. I never used to. I didn’t grow up in an overly affectionate, hugging all the time type of family. But somewhere in high school and college where I was embedded in choir and drama programs, I became a hugger. Because that’s the type of people we artsy types are.
So it kind of kept snowballing from there. I sometimes hug at introductions, usually at goodbyes, often when someone compliments me, reunions…I’m just a hugger darn it.
Then one day I noticed it. The slight widenening and flicker of panic in one of my victim’s eyes as I went in for the kill. And I started to really think about it. Some people don’t like to be hugged. Some people hate it. Some people sit there and think Yeah maybe we hugged in college, but we are so far beyond that, so don’t you dare touch me, freak.
I’m trying to start reading people. Are they a hugger, or aren’t they? Over the weekend I was at writing conference. Everyone was hugging everyone. I even hugged an agent who hugged me back! (Disclaimer: This is not an encouragement for you to go around hugging agents who don’t know you. I just happened to get to know this one over the weekend.)
Of course there are times when you realize you’ve initiated a hug that should never have been. It’s stiff, it’s awkward and it’s forced. But like I said, those are the ones who you probably should have read better.
Are you a hugger? Are you a hand shaker? Or are you a polite smile and dip of the header. What are your thoughts on compulsive huggers like me?
October 10th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
I’m a hugger. I like to hug. But I like a real hug with some grip in it, not one of those weak little barely touching you hugs.
Go big or go home.
October 10th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
I’m scared of people who don’t like hugs.
October 10th, 2006 at 10:43 pm
I’m generally a hugger. Unless I get a bad vibe from someone. Then, it’s a handshake. I only like to hug other huggers.
October 10th, 2006 at 11:53 pm
I’m not big on handshakes, but that’s because my palms tend to sweat when I’m nervous.
I’m a sometimes-hugger. My kids and hubby get tired of it, but some of my friends…I’m never quite comfortable hugging. I’m “aloof” I think, without meaning to be.
October 11th, 2006 at 12:51 am
I only like to hug other huggers too…
I won’t dodge your hugs Shelli! LOL
October 11th, 2006 at 1:35 am
I won’t dodge your hugs either Shelli. I’m a hugger too, but I also only like to hug other huggers. I would hate for someone to be thinking “get this crazy woman off of me.” LOL
October 11th, 2006 at 5:43 am
With close friends I’m a hugger but family I’m a nodder - I’m not comforable with it - go figure.
October 11th, 2006 at 1:12 pm
I’m a hugger. Big time. I’m like you Shelli. My family wasn’t big on hugs, but I became a hugger. I try and read people, but it isn’t easy.
Sometimes I can just tell when someone would be uncomfortable with hugging, but sometimes I actually ask.
Great blog, Shelli.
October 11th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
I’m not the person who initiates lots of hugs, but hugs don’t bother me. I don’t get the panic in my eyes if someone comes in to hug me. I think I don’t start the hug often because I’m afraid they will get that panic look reach out to give them a hug. You know, that whole fear of rejection thing
October 11th, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Hi my name is Emma and I’m a hugger. As you’ve probably noticed I’m not only a hugger and also a toucher. Yes, I can admit it. I’m the person you see walking through the mall holding another girl’s hand and if there wasn’t the slight family resemblance you’d think we were gay. Hehe. And I totally have to be careful about this because I do it not realized some people are comfortable with it. :/ So in advance, if I meet you at Nationals and hug or touch you, I’m not trying to feel you up. Hehe.
October 11th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
I’m usually the one who stands there akwardly because I don’t know what to do, lol. So you get a almost handshake-hug sometimes