This weekend, I’m going on an adventure. My husband’s Boss hosts a summer party at his cabin by the lake. There are serious amounts of alcohol, and it is free-flowing. Everyone sits, drinks, talks, and goofs off…it’s basically like those parties I was never invited to in high school, but heard about the Morning After.
Maybe it’s a side-effect of not being one of the cool kids back then, but I find myself worrying and anxious before we head off tomorrow. Will I keep it together enough to leave them with a good impression of me (and by association, my husband)?
More than that, though, I wonder how these people, after seeing each other as undoubtedly inebriated as they will be by Friday evening, deal with each other on Monday morning. The Boss himself gets good ‘n liquored. Last year, when I arrived, one woman was so intoxicated she couldn’t (and didn’t even attempt) to stand. The (rented) jet-ski was flipped. Twice.
I heard rumour that there were two smoking sections, not to account for wind direction, but for ‘what was being smoked’. And I’m not talking cigars. Those were in the Poker Tent, and you smoked a cigar, inhaled the second hand smoke with a smile, or you didn’t play.
So how do they do it? How, after allowing themselves to hit this point of hedonistic abandon, do they manage to work side-by-side come Monday, without embarassment or fear? Since my husband works as a satellite to this office, he only sees them once a month…so his situation is different. (He also toed the line last year, being a new recruit.)
Am I just overly sensitive? I know that I indulged myself at the Christmas bash, as much as anyone else, and my face burns when I remember doing karaoke. If someone teases me about it this weekend, I’ll flush and hang my head. And I only see this people twice a year. How do they do it every day?
Which brings me, very slowly I’m afraid, to the question of personal professionalism. What lines do we have, as writers and people, that we won’t cross for our writing? I don’t talk about my own sex life in chats or on my blog. Even with my friends I say very little about it.
I’m careful about alcohol. My body doesn’t process it like other people, and one drink too many and I do things that are completely out of character, and I can’t remember a thing. Very bad for the professional image.
Which makes it very hard for me to understand how Boss can drink like he does without losing some of the Control he normally has over these people. Do you know how it could be done? Do you have your own ‘professional ethics’ that you stick to? And what would make you lose faith in someone you worked for? Or a writer you admired?
August 25th, 2006 at 2:25 pm
Good questions. I don’t know actually. Sometimes, it’s nice to know where a writer is coming from personally. Lucy Monroe’s books are even more amazing when you realize that she comes from a family with physical and emotional handicaps. I like to see personal hardships and celebrations on someone’s blogs.
Yet, as you said, there is a line. I worry about the impressions made at company parties as well. I drink, but sparingly, because these are my husband’s bosses and coworkers. What I do reflects on him.
Perhaps when EVERYONE is intoxitated and “over indulging” it’s a wash. I don’t know though.
As far a writers go, I would be disappointed if I knew they didn’t have writing integrity. Or if they didn’t respect their readers.
Example? Elizabeth Lowell was a tad harsh once about her readers who wanted more on certain characters.
I think the line gets crossed and THEN you know. Every author finds out where their limits are. I think it depends on who you’re writing for as well. If I’m writing a book for Young Adults, my demeanor and attitude will be different than if I’m writing erotic romance, wouldn’t it?
I’ll be interested to see what others say, Dayna. Great blog.
August 25th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
I worked for a company for 5 years where everyone at the parties were intoxicated or high, and it wasn’t uncommon to see the CEO (old guy too!) grinding on the dance floor with a twenty-one year old girl. But that was the entire personality of our company. They were really laid back. I didn’t always party, but it didn’t bother me. I got a kick out of it.
As to lines i wouldn’t cross… if they relate to the industry I’m in, there’s few I won’t. I’m very much open and a free spirit. I’m hard to offend or shock.
August 25th, 2006 at 4:38 pm
I wrote a big response and Blogger ate it, so I’ll sum up:
There is a difference, to me, between friends who are close enough to get really drunk with and do embarrassing things, and discuss in depth my sex life or preferences, etc and other writers.
I have something of a reputation as a prude. The truth is that I’m not, really, but I’m not going to start telling stories on myself just to prove it.
This is a business to me. I would be just as uncomfortable if the guys I worked in IT with had started telling me what they liked to do with their wives/SOs/dates as I am when the women I write with describe what they like to do with their husbands/SOs/dates.
Sure, if there’s an experience that relates to what someone asks about, I think it’s fine to answer and/or address that, but I, personally, would rather not put it on a blog or in a chat where people who don’t know me can see it and form opinions about me.
And I certainly don’t want to be the author no one will make eye contact with because my exploits are all over the net.
There’s a time and a place for letting it all hang out. I’m just picky about them.
August 25th, 2006 at 7:54 pm
I have to agree with Sara as far as a time and place to let it all hang out (yeah I know i’ve discussed celibacy right here on this very blog but really is that such a bad thing? was it TMI? Probably but it’s too late and you know there are worse things to cop to LOL).
Yes, I think about what I post and what I say but I also try to be true to myself. I”m not gonna go around acting like a hoochie mama, living the life, bad girl erotica writer because it’s not me. Naughty, yes, because that is me, but waht I write and who I am are NOT the same thing.
August 25th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
You’re right in the sense that it is a balancing act. There is some value in co-workers letting their hair down and having some fun together. This helps build relationship bonds between them in ways that working together on a project cannot. On the other hand, this can definitely go too far, where people do embarrassing things or things they regret. As my wife and I have gotten older, we have learned to take it easy when others are drinking at professional functions. But maybe that’s just us.
Andrew
“To Love, Honor and Dismay”
August 25th, 2006 at 11:18 pm
I agree with Sara on this one. But do I have a reputation as a prude lol? If either one of us do, I think it is undeserved. There are some things we just prefer to keep confined to our personal lives, and my internet life is not my personal life. There’s a lot I’ll discuss in private chats, but not on the blog. EVERYONE has access to it, and I’ve seen/heard of too many things coming back to bite author’s in the ass. There are a couple I won’t buy–and I’m pretty forgiving–because of public statements.
August 26th, 2006 at 12:27 am
Loribelle you ain’t alone hon =(
August 26th, 2006 at 5:32 am
I do believe that there are some things that should be kept private as well. I would hate to say something on line that could come back and bite me on the butt later. There are things about anyone’s life, whether they’re a writer or not, that should stay personal.
August 26th, 2006 at 9:20 pm
Okay, I’m going to comment on the writing/blog aspect, because I have zip experience with the other.
I think it depends on the blog’s purpose. If it’s mainly writing-related/promotional, then I think blatantly talking about personal sex lives is probably not a good idea. Some people don’t have an issue with it. Others are squicked and will drop an author.
Personally, I have two blogs: my Livejournal and my Wordpress blog. The WP blog is writing-related and I try to keep it professional with a touch of the personal. I don’t hide who and what I am — it’s all in my bio there — but I don’t go into detail, either.
The LJ, on the other hand, is personal, and all bets are off. That being said, I make it very clear that if people aren’t comfortable with that sort of content, then they’re better off reading the blog. Most of the private stuff, I keep friends-locked these days, but as I have an open friending policy, that doesn’t say much.