Soooo I can’t put this on my blog because my family may read it, but here? Ohhh yeah. Anything goes here. Right?
I’ve been thinking about this fling thing a lot. I used it as a premise in my book Tourist Attraction. I joke about it anytime I go on a vacation… but really. Am I ever gonna put my money where my mouth is? For three years now I’ve been saying I just need to have a fling, ‘get some’, and so on and so on. But have I? Not really. In fact were I to actually get some activity going on, they’d need to dust for cobwebs first.
So how long is too long? Is there a point when a person should get worried that they haven’t done the nasty in awhile? Or should we be content to put on our ‘abstinence hat’ and walk around like we don’t miss it. Because honestly, we do at times. But then most of the time, me at least, I forget it exists. Where we’ve gotten so used to going it alone (forgive the pun.) Until I’m in the midst of writing my next book and I’ve got my characters going at it like porn stars. THEN I get reminded. THEN I start thinking….
‘Man, I just need to have a fling!’
So how long is too long? How long do we continue down this path of abstinence, whether by choice or whether by, well, non-choice. Is there a point where a friend needs to stage an intervention? Like Lori attempted to do for me (Check out my blog) and I blew her off. *sigh*
Now I know this is a small boat I’m in, but I’m not alone. There’s ‘others’ like me. LOL. So what are your thoughts? What’s a girl to do when all the guys that come calling are losers and Prince Charming is MIA? And yes, I realize some of your answers will involve batteries.
July 23rd, 2006 at 12:21 pm
I think it depends on the person. Me, I get depressed, moody, and bitchy if I go too long without. The longest I’ve been since losing my virginity was, um, two months? After that point, I just said, “The hell with it,” and picked someone up.
But before Morgan and I hooked up, he’d gone, mmm, a good couple years without. (And really, I’m still surprised that we ended up together, cause that wasn’t the intention. I’m the sort of person who *can* have no-strings sex with friends and mean it…… though strings can be fun too.
I had another ex who I think had been somewhere around ten.
Some people can take going without easier than others … but the one thing I really do try to stress is not to do something you’re uncomfortable with. If you think you’d feel bad about yourself after a fling — then don’t do it.
July 23rd, 2006 at 5:14 pm
Here’s the deal as far as flings are concerned. And I’m speaking from experience here–I went almost 2 years between my last two boyfriends and we won’t even discuss how long it’s been since the last one. AFter a while, you get used to running in neutral, then you have a fling and all the suddent you’re in drive again, and then you have to get used to being in netural again *sigh*
So if flings are not for you, that’s why I don’t recommend them.
Me? I don’t want a fling and I don’t want marriage (hell, I don’t even want a boyfriend—too much trouble) so I’m in a hell of a pickle.
July 23rd, 2006 at 6:06 pm
My question, whenever this topic comes up (and you’re not the only one, Shelli) is: Do you really want the sex? Do you want to connect with a person? Or is it about peer pressure and society expectation that you “should be getting some”?
I’ve gone without for long periods of time, and I’m married. And no, it’s not because we’re dysfunctional or anything. It happens when it happens and pressure to have it happen otherwise makes it not worthwhile.
July 23rd, 2006 at 6:22 pm
Oh my gosh, Shelli! You crack me up.
And me? As long as you have protection and are both willing…have fun!
July 23rd, 2006 at 8:07 pm
I’m one of those very rare creatures, a mid-30s virgin. This state of being is motivated by religious reasons and a choice I made to wait.
For me, it’s the right choice, but you’d better believe my sex clock (a variation on the biological clock) is ticking LOUDLY. Tick, tock.
I cope by focusing on other aspects of my life and by lots of fantasizing. I think everyone over 20 who isn’t having sex has different ways of dealing with it. I agree with others that you should do what you’re comfortable with. Abstinence really isn’t fatal.
I think.
July 23rd, 2006 at 8:15 pm
Sara makes a good point….for me at least, it’s NOT about society’s influence (IE you need a boyfriend, marriage etc or you’re freaking incomplete–fuck that!).
I gave up on dating *cough* years ago because I got tired of picking losers. I attract losers. The way to stop ending up with losers was to stop dating and focus on myself. Now don’t get me wrong, life’s not perfect and at times I’d love to have another body around to help with the kids, and I really miss occasionally having someone to snuggle with but I have four cats so it’s not so bad. *g* I”m content.
I guess my point is do whatever you do for yourself.
And anonymous, I’ve got two kids, kids are not possible, just NOT, and my biological clock, which up until a year ago I didn’t even believe in, is ticking, loudly!
July 23rd, 2006 at 10:37 pm
You guys crack me up! And I totally understand. I mean I think a ‘fling’ does rock the boat a bit. Because you are in neutral. You don’t realize what you’re missing, until you get it. And I agree, Amie, I’m very happy with my life without a man. But I’m also one of those types who–if i was married or when i’m in a relationship–i’d want it daily if not twice daily. Ah well. I won’t go out of my way to do it, but if i were to say trip and wind up in bed…well… lol.
July 23rd, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel like getting some, do it as long as you can handle the no strings attached. If you don’t think you could, then don’t do it. You know what you need and want! There is no how long is too long, its all up to you. I’ve done both, the fling and the relationship thing. I personally was the type who ended up hurt by the fling. I’m just not wired that way. Hope your decision becomes clear to you
July 24th, 2006 at 1:38 am
I’m not wired for flings. I get emotionally attached.
If anything ever happens to superhubby (god forbid) I plan to have a boyfriend. Who lives in his own home. A ‘fucking good friend’ my godmother woulda called it. And I’d have no trouble with THAT.
Good luck, no matter what you choose. and be safe.
(sheesh, those mom-isms just shoot out of my mouth!)
July 24th, 2006 at 4:45 am
I’m going to piggy back on what everybody else has said Shelli, do what you’re going to be comfortable with. Don’t stress yourself out about it.
July 24th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Dayna one of the best jokes I ever heard was …..the perfect boyfriend is Tom Cruise and he lives next door
*ggg*
July 25th, 2006 at 1:00 pm
Shelli, I say “Fling it, baby!”, be safe & (somewhat) sane when ya do!
Have fun!
Hugs,
Sabrina )O(